Somewhere in my personal development, I found an insecurity of sorts that has taken over my life. It’s this desire and need to be better than everybody. I don’t know how it started or why maybe from being the youngest child of four, maybe it’s just the fact that I am better than everyone. I think that’s it. Since I figured out this “flaw” I found it more and more consuming. It’s not that I can’t accept that there are people who are better than me at certain things, I can. But if I know that for a fact, the first thing I do is find something at which I’m better than them. Like I don’t play soccer so pretty much anybody that has had a day of soccer training is bound to be better than me. That’s all fine and good but I’m probably smarter than them. Or prettier. Or more popular. And it will take me a second to figure that out right after I meet you. To deal with this insecurity I’ve replaced it with an absolute truth. I’m better than everybody. By accepting this truth, I avoid a lot of problems inferior people have. I don’t have self esteem issues, I rarely get depressed anymore, I have the confidence of a lion. I think everyone should have this attitude we would cut down on a lot of problems with self harm and suicide. I would never kill myself I love myself way too much. It’s like why does everyone love beyoncé? Because we all believe she is the best. I hardly ever listen to her music but I still worship her and you probably do. She created herself as “Queen B” and everybody buys into it. Everyone needs to do that for themselves. Love yourself.
Tonight is the eve of the first day of my senior year. This summer marked my transition into adulthood as I had my first 9-5 job, drove myself around, and regretted spending so much money when I have bills to pay. All I can say is what a long, strange trip it’s been. Everything I’ve heard about senior year from TV and movies is that it’s supposed to be the best year of your life, and you have fun and do no school work. My question is: when exactly does that start happening? Junior year was hell. I feel like I did no work freshman and sophomore year and junior year I did the work of all those years combined. And now it’s senior year, and I should be relaxing, but here I am freaking out about all the different things I have to worry about. Job, money, college, SATs, GPAs, it’s too much. My favorite part is all the people that say things like, “Oh I know you’re probably tired of hearing it but what are your plans for college?” Like, if you know I’m tired of hearing that question why would you ask it? I have my answer perfectly memorized, “Oh I’m looking at x school for y program in z-town.” And their generic answers just as perfectly rehearsed: “Oh that’s great, good for you! What a great school!” Well, I haven’t gotten in yet. I have about 8 trillion things to do and a million people nagging me about it so, if you’ll let me be on my way…
This is such a weird phase of life. My emotions are caught up in this whirlwind of fear and excitement and worry, and I don’t really know what to do with them. So here I am, starting a blog about it. This blog isn’t really going to be about school, that, I suppose, will play into it, but I’m really here to share my thoughts, opinions, and life stories. My thoughts are mostly offensive, and my opinions are normally unpopular, but if you’re not afraid of either of those things, you’ve come to the right place. I think I’m funny, and some other people think I’m funny, so maybe the internet will think I’m funny too. I’m at this point in my life where I am never too concerned with offending people because I love myself and people need to be able to take a joke. If you can take a joke, please continue keeping up with me and my blog, and I will try to keep this updated as much as possible. As you can tell, I’m gonna be a little busy the next few months.